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Golf and I are Divorcing
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Last comment by SpuscuddEpE 1 year, 6 months ago.

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As I sit here, staring at this blank computer screen, fingers poised over the keyboard, I wonder if I’m lucid enough to make a rational decision.

I have just finished playing the worst three rounds of golf I’ve ever played in a row. Well, OK, so maybe the scores weren’t the worst I’ve ever posted, but the anguish I’ve suffered during those 54 holes is of mammoth proportions.

I’ve been playing this stupid game for 53 years and it’s been a love-hate relationship since Day One.

Nothing is sweeter than a well-struck tee shot. Nothing is bitterer than a shanked wedge. Over the years I’ve had my share of both. And often, the former has been immediately followed by the latter.

I suppose frustration is as much a part of golf as the joy or sinking a birdie putt. I’ve seen guys go from tossing their putter in the air in joy on one hole to tossing it into a lake in anger on the next.

If golf wasn’t a four-letter word it oughta to be.

For you to understand this quandary in which I find myself, you have to let me set the stage. It is common knowledge that I have struggled with my game in recent years. I’ve switched clubs, bags, glove brands, shoe brands, putters, drivers, and golf courses.

I’ve gone from Ram irons to Woods Brothers to Callaway X-12s to Adams Idea to Wedgewoods to Vulcan hybrid Woodys.

I’ve gone from TaylorMade to Ping to Callaway to Straight-8 to Titleist to Cobra to Powerbilt to Cleveland to a $29.94 Wal-Mart special to a custom-built driver.

In putters I’ve gone from Titleist Dead-Center to Odyssey to Paax to Straight-8 to TaylorMade to Ping to Gaim to Scotty Cameron to SeeMore to Ray Cook to Carbite to something called the Sho-Me Stinger. Sometimes in the same round.

What I am is messed up.

Maybe those last three pathetic rounds wouldn’t have affected me so deeply had they not followed one of the best stretches I’ve played in seven years.

I went through a 10-round period, all at my home course of Gates Four, where I had a total of 26 birdies and a pitch-in eagle. I was floating. I had found true happiness. I looked forward to the first tee shot and to collecting from my buddies in the 19th hole. I was smiling a lot. I wasn’t cussing nearly as much. The BW didn’t dread seeing me come home. My dog, Dodger, didn’t’ flee whimpering when I opened the door.

Golf was a four-letter word, all right. Like in love.

Then, as it inevitably does, as I should have known it would, the magic was gone. I have played three straight rounds where the shanks outnumber the birdies nine to zero. I am the one paying off in the 19th hole.

My last round (literally) was played on Wednesday. It was a beautiful day, sun shining, temperature near 80, the Willard Byrd course in great shape, playing with three guys I really like. No pressure. Just anticipation.

Then I made a fatal mistake. I had played poorly on Monday and Tuesday, so I thought, OK, you haven’t hit a practice ball since April of 2006, maybe it’s time to visit the driving range and get a feel before today’s round.

AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!

If anyone ever sees me heading in the direction of a practice range again, tackle me. My normal warm-up routine consists of bending over to tie my shoes somewhere in the middle of the second fairway. I’ll never vary from it again.

Anyway, I hit those range balls like a champion. Felt so good I couldn’t wait to get to the first tee. Pulled the first shot out of bounds. Hit the provisional into a fairway bunker. Died a little.

I’m not going to bore you with a lot of details here. Suffice it to say that the scorecard of my last round of golf is not the one I want scattered with my ashes.

The BW says I shouldn’t file this column. She says I’ll be back on the golf course soon, maybe even later today.

The woman doesn’t know me. When I say something, I mean it.



Latest Activity: Mar 22, 2009 at 4:51 PM



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ssnowdon commented on Tuesday, Mar 24, 2009 at 11:14 AM

Howard,
I read and loved your article..but I thought this was just the way golf was. Is there actually another way it should go? who knew..

HowardWard commented on Tuesday, Mar 24, 2009 at 4:43 PM

You're right,Sam, that is golf. But at least my game has changed again since I wrote the article. It's much worse now.

ssnowdon commented on Saturday, Apr 04, 2009 at 9:36 AM

Oh no! Well come play with us sometime. We enjoy bad golf on a regular basis but the azaleas and dogwoods help ease the pain

danielb commented on Friday, Apr 10, 2009 at 2:47 PM

If want help I wouldn't play as much but I would be on the chipping and putting green every minute I had and it doesn't matter how you get there but if you can one chip and one putt it isn't that bad.

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