Remember the shortlived Extreme Football League of several years ago?

Vince McMahon, the czar of professional wrestling, figured he could make a few more zillion bucks by giving the world a professional football league with the flair of the wrestling world.

He tried. It flopped and the demise was not deeply mourned. But I have to admit that I watched some of the XFL action and found parts of it intriguing. Sure, it was a little trying at times with those yucky sideline intervierws just after another player had dropped another lob pass.

And, as one my more talented colleagues suggested, the cheerleaders at times appeared to be kind of lost without their poles. But you have to admit that no other camera work has ever made you feel more a part of the action.

OK, before all of you who tuned into this space to read about golf use the delete button on me, let's get to the meat of this potato. What we're about to get into here, so help me Hulk Hogan, is Extreme Golf.

What? You think Extreme Golf is trying to reach a 600-yard par-5 in two shots? No, we're talking serious stuff here. We're talking about the kind of golf that would do away forever with that "sissy" image some associate with the game.

Here's my version of Extreme Golf. Eat your heart out, Vince McMahon.

The first thing we have to do, of course, is find a venue. Nah, Pinehurst No. 2 would be a piece of cake. I'm thinking more in terms of a course with 18 holes built in the image of the orignal third hole at Little River Golf Resort before someone plowed it up and started over.

Anyway, getting back to Extreme Golf, here's how I picture the layout:

No. 1 -- A double dogleg par-5 with a 40-foot boulder for the green. Yeah, cutting the holes would be tough, but Extreme Golf is for course superintendents, too.

No. 2 -- A 400-yard par-4 with a 15-foot wide fairway that's lined by cactus plants. You can play out of the rough, but don't bend over.

No. 3 -- A 260-yard uphill par-3 with an elevated green. All carry over wetlands and no entering the protected environmental area to retrieve balls that come up short.

No. 4 -- A 420-yard par-4 with a stream running down the center of the fairway from tee to green. The stream is freshly stocked with water moccasins on a monthly basis. Golfers must play this hole barefoot.

No. 5 -- A 290-yard par-4 that can be reached by the long hitters who are able to hit a driver straight up. The green is placed on a stilted platform 180 feet in the air and the surface is made of asphalt. Only on very hot days can you get a ball to stick on this green.

No. 6 -- An 890-yard par-5 that can only be reached in two by Tiger Woods. There's a demolition derby race track that runs from tee to green and golfers must play through the traffic. Players suffering broken limbs are granted five minutes to apply splints.

 No. 7 -- Ahh. Relief at last. A 120-yard par-3. The catch is that this is an island green, surrounded by molten lava. Golfers must walk to and from the green across this lava. Hey, this is Extreme Golf. You have to be tough.

No. 8 -- A 380-yard par-4. A walk in the park, literally. The trick is to play through the swing sets and joggers and cyclists and dog walkers and sunbathers. Once on the green, putting must be negotiated through a touch football game.

No.9 -- A 410-yard par-4 with a 10-yard strip of turf for a fairway that's bordered by water on both sides. Alligators are bred on one side and crocodiles on the other. They meet on the 10-foot stretch of turf for fighting, mating and eating golfers. The green is 40-square feet with a wrap-around bunker. The bunker isn't filled with beach sand, though, it's quicksand. It's said that a couple of dozen golfers are lost here each week.

The back nine ... Oh, there isn't a back nine. They're still waiting for a group to make the turn.

That's my nine-hole Extreme Golf layout. Anybody want to design a back nine?